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(Really) Stupid Christmas Jokes

While purging my hard drive, I came across multiple files that had Christmas jokes. I do not know why I saved these. I plead the 5th. But here you are, for your holiday enjoyment. Or something.

Really Stupid Christmas JokesQ: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.

Q: What do you call Santa’s helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses.

Q: What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
A: Santa clues!

Q: What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?
A: Freeze a jolly good fellow!

Q: What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
A: Santapplause! 

Q: Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws!

Q: Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas?
A: Because they both have sandy claws!

Q: What do you call it when Father Christmas takes a coffee break?
A: Santa pause!

Q: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
A: It was wound up already.

Q: What do angry mice send at Christmas?
A: Cross mouse cards.

Q: Where does Santa Claus keep his red suit?
A: In his Santa closet.

Q: Why does Santa have a house at the North Pole?
A: Because he’s too fat to squeeze into an igloo!

Q: What’s red and white and full of holes?
A: Swiss Kringle!

Q: Why does Santa hire elves to make his toys?
A: Because they make short work of the job!

Q: What is Frosty’s favorite dinner?
A: Spaghetti and snowballs.

Q: What is Tarzan’s favorite Christmas carol?
A: Jungle Bells.

Q: Why did the elf paint himself green?
A: He was moonlighting as a leprechaun.

Q: Why do we kiss under the mistletoe?
A: Because it’s more fun than shaking hands.

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite Christmas song?
A: I’m Dreaming of a Bite Christmas.

Q: What amphibian do we hang in doorways at Christmas?
A: Mistletoad.

Q: What would you call it if your wedding day was Decembr 25th?
A: A marry Christmas!

Q: In the Middle Ages, what did most people get for Christmas?
A: The plague.

Q: Who had a beard, webbed feet, and wrote A Christmas Carol?
A: Charles Duckens.

Q: What’s red and white and blue all over?
A: A candy cane holding its breath!

Q: What do you call a fear of being trapped in a chimney with a fat man?
A: Santa Claustrophobia!

Q: What would you get if you crossed Santa with a giraffe?
A: St. Neck!

Q: What would you get if you crossed one of Santa’s helpers with the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll?
A: Elfis Presley!

Q: What has fins, a tail, and is mailed to you at Christmas?
A: A Christmas cod.

Q: What did Santa say to his misbehaving reindeer?
A: Shape up or I’ll get a gnu crew.

Q: Why don’t elves play in the NBA?
A: They just don’t measure up.

Q: What is Santa’s favorite American state?
A: Idaho-ho-ho!

Q: What do Santa’s helpers make the day before Christmas?
A: Eight dollars an hour plus time and a half for overtime!

Q: What is a monster’s favorite Christmas poem?
A: The Fright Before Christmas!

Q: What would you have if Santa brought you a kitten and a puppy?
A: A meowy Christmas and a yappy New Year.

Q: Why was Santa’s sick helper reluctant to go to the hospital?
A: Because he didn’t have elf insurance!

Q: What has four legs, a hump, and is found at the North Pole?
A: A lost camel.

Q: What goes “Ho-Ho-Ho-Swish”?
A: Santa drilling a jump shot!

Q: What happens when Christmas angels meet?
A: They both say, “Halo!”

Q: Where does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
A: In the dictionary!

Q: What happens if you eat Christmas decorations?
A: You get tinselitis.

Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp cringle.

Q; If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missle-toe

Q: What do Elfs learn at Elf school?
A: The elfabet.

{ 1 comment… add one }

  • Marcel January 16, 2014, 4:51 pm

    Eh eh, my six-year-old son will like some of these.

    Breakfast in the morning will be fun even though it’s not Christmas.

    Thanks for sharing. :-)
    Marcel recently posted…The Secret For Better MeatballsMy Profile

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